What does it feel like to chase your dreams?
In the beginning, it feels like adventure, excitement, expansive. Like being on a path to discover a new world that you are creating all on your own. It is exhilarating, life giving and feels like it is meant to be. Everything is aligned—your energy, the energy of your dream, and the support of the Universe. To chase your dreams feels like exactly what you must do to live your life authentically and wholly. You are being guided to follow that dream, and your dream eagerly awaits the chance to become reality. That is what it feels like to chase your dreams—at the start.
The bad
But then you hit a snag. Whether it is internal or external, you lose steam from pursuing that dream. The voices in your head start to show up and tell you why pursuing the dream is not the right thing to do.
“That’s not possible.”
“I don’t know enough.”
“I’m not good enough.”
“I can’t do this.”
“Nobody knows who you are.”
“You can’t want that.”
“You can’t have that.”
“Who do you think you are?”
“That’s not practical.”
“Nobody will listen to you.”
“Nobody can see me.”
“You’re not worthy.”
Sound familiar? (I have been made aware that some people in this world do not hear the voices or whispers. I can only speak to my experience and who I am connecting with as I do the work.)
These types of thoughts bring on energy that starts to pull you down, keep you safe, keep you stuck, right where you are. It becomes soul sucking, heavy and dark. Your dreams start to atrophy and fade into darkness. The light they once had starts to dim and you lose your connection to them. You then begin to contract and seek the safety that you once had before you had that brilliant idea or dream to chase. This is the alternative to chasing your dreams.
The alternative to chasing your dreams is death to creativity and living a mundane life
I tuned out the calling and the whispers for years. And it manifested in what I call the dark night of my soul. It was one of the heaviest and emptiest times of my life.
There comes a day when you wake up and realize you don’t know who the eff you are and what you are doing here. And if you continue to silence the voices and nudges, you eventually disconnect from all of it, and are left to navigate life without your internal compass and begin seeking validation and “truths” from outside of you. It’s a scary place to be, honestly. My dark night of the soul happened the year of 2012. It was quite the experience being in that darkness and then coming out of that darkness.
Turns out, I had silenced my desires and stopped chasing my own dreams. In 2007, I began chasing someone else’s dreams. And it wasn’t until I took back my power and began taking my life apart that I began acknowledging the dreams I had left behind.
When I came across this book, (affiliate link,) it moved me to tears. I realized I had become one of those that had given up and forgotten how to dream. And I was not being a good role model for my daughters. How tragic would that be to not be the best role model I could be, by showing them that they too can chase their dreams?
It took some therapy to get to that place though. I had been modeled how women are supposed to show up by a martyr, as most women have in their lives. But it wasn’t her fault. Or my grandmother’s fault. It wasn’t even the fault of my entire lineage.
It was the patriarchy.
As a woman, it can be the most terrifying thing you’ve ever done in your life, to tune into what you want.
I wrote a bit about it in this blog. I had numbed so much with busyness and responsibilities that I had failed to even notice that I still had dreams and desires. Putting all of those in the vault and never let myself feel excited about them or even pursue them. I was a mother now, and I had a duty to the girls.
But, I misunderstood the duty and the responsibility I had to my daughters. It wasn’t that I was supposed to uphold the status quo and provide a roof over their heads and keep food in their bellies by killing myself day in and day out.
I figured out that the one thing I was most “responsible” for doing in their becoming was to show them what is possible.
What is possible?
I was asked this during a fall equinox council led by a friend to help heal the world. And this was my response:
“What is possible is that all people, will feel safe to fully self-express. That there is trust between all people that everyone is safe to fully self-express, no matter their race, skin color, gender, sexual identity or whatever. That everyone knows they have the right to be authentically themselves, no matter what.”
Athena Patacsil
This is why I do this
I have been guided by many low points and high points to come to this place. To create a platform that I can be the lighthouse from and shine brightly so that others can find their way back. Back to power, back to comfort, back to safety and loving oneself.
I may have taken some detours along the way, but each detour clarified more and more what my dream is, and what I want to share with the world. When a good friend that has known me for almost 20 years told me that she is amazed by me following my drive and passions, I know I am on the right track.
Even on those heavy and dark days, which are more often than you might realize, I come back to the reminder of what I want to leave this planet with.
There are many dreams, as I hope you discover for yourself. The well of dreams is so deep and abundant as it waits for more to drink from it. There are dreams that require more creative imagination to become realized. There are dreams that are almost realized, they just need that one last push by the right person.
What is my dream?
Well, it is still being clarified as I write this. But I am getting clearer knowing what I want to be possible, as I stated above. Self-expression is so very important to me, as my voice has been silenced for so long. And the pain of keeping silent has become greater than the need to feel safe by being quiet.
I can say that my greatest pride is being able to witness the confidence, self-knowing, and self awareness that my daughters embody as they are deep in the muck of teenagerdom. I feel the greatest fulfillment knowing that somehow they are getting the idea to stand in your power, let your voice be heard and that you and your ideas matter.
But my work feels as though it is to help the women in generations that didn’t feel like they had a choice. That have lived through all the shit in their lives, have tons of war wounds and are seeking the freedom and truths that the new generations seem to be coming into this life knowing.
I am here to help the women heal those inner girl wounds, sister wounds, mama wounds, all of it. And I dream that we access the healing through play and seeking pleasure. Because that is how I have come to create this platform, by seeking my own pleasure and self. Tuning back into that little girl that was allowed to shine, but only on a stage with a costume and makeup on.
Are you chasing your dreams?
A number of messages have been coming up around this question. A movie created by a friend, the book “The Regrets of the Dying” and work around uncovering deep desire. Desire being the calling of your soul, not what others might want for you, or even the patriarchy wants for you.
I wrote this blog for you. To help reignite that passion in you. So that you are inspired to chase your dreams, as scary as it is at times. To keep dreaming and creating new desires from thin air. Do what you need to feel safe, whether it is embodiment work, self care, prayer, meditation etc. and get back on that path of dreaming.
If this resonated with you, please share with someone who needs to hear this today.
Athena
Amplify You Podcast
A podcast series created to inspire you to take up more space and shine in a world that has conditioned you to be small.